Modern Parenting Humorist Gifts

"Watch your tone with me, young man, or you'll be playing board games tonight."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

Trick or Tweet

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Have you seen my dad?"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'