Modern Parenthood Humorists Gifts

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"Use your inside scream."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"