Modern Parenthood Humorists Pillows

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"Have you seen my dad?"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"Use your inside scream."

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'