Modern Parenting Humorist Pillows

"Watch your tone with me, young man, or you'll be playing board games tonight."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

Trick or Tweet

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"Use your inside scream."