Modern Parenting Satirist Pillows

"Yes, but Mummy and Daddy are on legal drugs."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"Use your inside scream."

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

The Mothership

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'Mom, I need a push.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

"We can determine your child's gender, IQ and student debt load."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

"I had a lot more freedom before mom got the drone."

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

Dad’s Homework Assignment

"And we're just so proud you're walking to school alone. Aren't we, Harold?"

"Ask not for whom the baby cries; it cries for thee. Specifically, thee’s milk."

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

"Just tell Daddy who hit you, and I will march upstairs and ask Mommy how to handle this!"

Time Out Room

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

'She can't answer when I call, but she loves the ring tone.'

Honest, D-D-Dad. My homework's "in the cloud."