Modern Parenting Satirist Pillows

"Yes, but Mummy and Daddy are on legal drugs."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"Use your inside scream."

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

The Mothership

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

'Mom, I need a push.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

"We can determine your child's gender, IQ and student debt load."

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

Free Baby. Lily decides turnabout is fair play.

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

"I had a lot more freedom before mom got the drone."

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

Dad’s Homework Assignment

"Ask not for whom the baby cries; it cries for thee. Specifically, thee’s milk."

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

"And we're just so proud you're walking to school alone. Aren't we, Harold?"

'She can't answer when I call, but she loves the ring tone.'

"Just tell Daddy who hit you, and I will march upstairs and ask Mommy how to handle this!"

Time Out Room

Honest, D-D-Dad. My homework's "in the cloud."

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

We ARE playing catch.