Parenthood Humorist Pillows

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

"Just in case I wet the bed again."

Mother taping childs mouth.

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

"Three junior meals and a vasectomy, please."

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

'After the birth of our first child, she just mushroomed.'

'She just likes saying 'Uranus'.'

Hairy father with a bald baby.

'Orson made school bully.'

'I'll trade you this shiny new dime for the future rights to you baby teeth.'

Baby tries on jumpsuit but it is much too big.

'You're right baby, throwing food is fun.'

"I help as much as I can with the baby: I'm always the first to smell when the baby needs changing..."

"Dad, I'm water hungry."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

Baby Clothes.

"My parents named me Zbigniew because they were drunk."

Names for your unwanted baby.

'I dressed myself.'

'It's so I don't lose the kids in the long grass...'

'My science experiment!'

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

Kid reads from menu: 'Most kids just get a drink of water, you know.'

"Can I borrow the car and the last four digits of your social...?"

Newbaby lounge

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'