Parenthood Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

'She said her first words today.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

Chicken With Stroller

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'What are you in for?'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Maternity Arrivals

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

'Ooopsss! I did it again.'

"My kid said his first two words and you know what he said; 'I'll sue.'."

'I dressed myself.'

'They can be so modest at this age.'

Dad Dancing.