Parenthood Humor Fan Pillows

"And that's how babies are made."

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

Take Our Kids To Work Day Fails

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"I need to know who started it."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

'She said her first words today.'

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

Chicken With Stroller

This is our 36th nap today - I can't read you a bedtime story EVERY time.

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

I know you do your mating dance just to embarrass the kids.

Maternity Arrivals

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Michael, do your dinner."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"