Parenthood Humor Fan Gifts

"And that's how babies are made."

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

Take Our Kids To Work Day Fails

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"I need to know who started it."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

'She said her first words today.'

Chicken With Stroller

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Maternity Arrivals

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

"Michael, do your dinner."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"