Parenthood Humorists Gifts

"Oh my god, Rhonda! You were abducted by aliens!"

Elephant to elephant: 'He doesn't have a trunk, he has a glove compartment.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Have you seen my dad?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Where's your nose?"

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'