Parenthood Comedians Gifts

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

'sugar and spice my eye.'

'She said her first words today.'

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

Beware of teething baby.

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

'Hey Dad, can I borrow the car?'

"She's cute all right. But, whoa, what a narcissist!"

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'... And, don't worry about his future. I'm sure my Son will give him a job, when they grow up.'

'I dressed myself.'

Dad Dancing.

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

"Your mother and I have seen your report card, and we've decided to distance ourselves from you."

'Dad's my roadie.'

"Whenever mom and dad go out without us, they suffer from whatever the opposite of separation anxiety is."

'Yeah, but how does the stork get into the maternity ward?'