Parenthood Comedians Gifts

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'sugar and spice my eye.'

'She said her first words today.'

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

This is our 36th nap today - I can't read you a bedtime story EVERY time.

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"She's cute all right. But, whoa, what a narcissist!"

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

I know you do your mating dance just to embarrass the kids.

It went even worse than I expected - She got custody of the kids and me.

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

Beware of teething baby.

'Hey Dad, can I borrow the car?'

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'I dressed myself.'

'... And, don't worry about his future. I'm sure my Son will give him a job, when they grow up.'

Dad Dancing.

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

'What? Didn't your parents ever tell you who delivers babies???'

"Your mother and I have seen your report card, and we've decided to distance ourselves from you."

'Dad's my roadie.'