Parenthood Humor Analyst Gifts

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Where's your nose?"

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

"Which one's yours?"

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

Chicken With Stroller