Parenthood Humor Analyst Gifts

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Have you seen my dad?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Where's your nose?"

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

"Which one's yours?"

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'