Parenthood Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

'We mustn't frighten the new baby...'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

Chicken With Stroller

'She said her first words today.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

This is our 36th nap today - I can't read you a bedtime story EVERY time.

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

"Six down, three to go!!"

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

I know you do your mating dance just to embarrass the kids.

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

Baby Wind Up.

'I dressed myself.'

'I already had one bath today! You want my skin to wear out?'

Dad Dancing.

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

'What? Didn't your parents ever tell you who delivers babies???'

12 step program

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Mum inspects poo'

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

'Another common mistake is to forget to take off the dirty nappy before putting the clean one on.'