Parenthood Humor Appreciators Gifts

'My room's in a terrible state, Mum's just cleaned it.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

Chicken With Stroller

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

'She said her first words today.'

This is our 36th nap today - I can't read you a bedtime story EVERY time.

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

'Daddy's busy - Go draw on the wall.'

I know you do your mating dance just to embarrass the kids.

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

Dad Dancing.

I don't understand the way kids today express themselves and communicate. I don't understand the way kids today express themselves and communicate.

Is it true kids your age lie 14 times a day? That's outrageous! Yeah, mom. It's sooo off. Good to hear! 14 seems high to me. 8 sounds right.

'I dressed myself.'

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

'What? Didn't your parents ever tell you who delivers babies???'

12 step program

'I can't talk now Kevin. I'm under house arrest.'

"Stickers, fairy tattoos, a coloring book ... but no, Mom, I'm not seeing any stretch-mark cream in the goody bag."

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

Pregnant vs. Old.

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'