Parenthood Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

This is our 36th nap today - I can't read you a bedtime story EVERY time.

Chicken With Stroller

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'She said her first words today.'

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'What are you in for?'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

I know you do your mating dance just to embarrass the kids.

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

Maternity Arrivals

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

'Ooopsss! I did it again.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

Dad Dancing.

'They can be so modest at this age.'

"My kid said his first two words and you know what he said; 'I'll sue.'."