Parenthood Comedy Aficionado Gifts

'He definitely has your eyes!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

Therapy for babies.

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

'She said her first words today.'

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

Chicken With Stroller

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

Maternity Arrivals

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'They can be so modest at this age.'

Dad Dancing.

'I dressed myself.'

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

'Yeah, but how does the stork get into the maternity ward?'

"Three junior meals and a vasectomy, please."

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

Speeding pram with mum hanging on.