Parenthood Comedy Aficionado Pillows

'He definitely has your eyes!'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

Therapy for babies.

Chicken With Stroller

'She said her first words today.'

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

This is our 36th nap today - I can't read you a bedtime story EVERY time.

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

Maternity Arrivals

I know you do your mating dance just to embarrass the kids.

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

Dad Dancing.

'They can be so modest at this age.'

'I dressed myself.'

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

'What? Didn't your parents ever tell you who delivers babies???'

12 step program

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

'Yeah, but how does the stork get into the maternity ward?'

"Three junior meals and a vasectomy, please."

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

Speeding pram with mum hanging on.