Parenthood Humor Fans Pillows

'Our son might be 'Lord Greystoke' and all now, but he still writes to us when he needs advice...'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

The Poky Little Pupa.

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"I need to know who started it."

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

"Time for bed, guys."

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Chicken With Stroller

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

This is our 36th nap today - I can't read you a bedtime story EVERY time.

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

'She said her first words today.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"I'm worried that Ud isn't evolving as quickly as the other kids."

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

"Michael, do your dinner."

I know you do your mating dance just to embarrass the kids.

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'