Parenthood Humor Lover Pillows

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

My Goodness It Looks Like Tracy Island.

Dad Dancing.

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

Mom dwarves.

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

Chicken With Stroller

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

'She said her first words today.'

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

This is our 36th nap today - I can't read you a bedtime story EVERY time.

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

A Mom's Purse

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

I know you do your mating dance just to embarrass the kids.

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

"I'd like a note excusing me from my wife's childbirth!"