Parenthood Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

'We mustn't frighten the new baby...'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'She said her first words today.'

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

Chicken With Stroller

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

"Six down, three to go!!"

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

Dad Dancing.

'I dressed myself.'

'I already had one bath today! You want my skin to wear out?'

Baby Wind Up.

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Mum inspects poo'

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

'Another common mistake is to forget to take off the dirty nappy before putting the clean one on.'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'