Parenthood Humor Appreciator Gifts

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

'She said her first words today.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"How unprofessional. There's no brochure on the services and facilities I can expect in here."

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'Daddy's busy - Go draw on the wall.'

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'I dressed myself.'

Dad Dancing.

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

'I can't talk now Kevin. I'm under house arrest.'

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

"Stickers, fairy tattoos, a coloring book ... but no, Mom, I'm not seeing any stretch-mark cream in the goody bag."

Pregnant vs. Old.

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

"Three junior meals and a vasectomy, please."