Motherhood Humorist Gifts

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'The next time Mam says we're going to a fair, I'll ask her to be more specific.'

'Oh, he's not mine. He's just renting.'

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

'My biological clock finally went off.'

'This is a pretty stiff penalty for motherhood.'

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

The Mothership

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

Two breasts: No waiting

'I sentence you to hard labor.'

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

The baby's really been moving round today.