Maternity Humorist Gifts

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

Maternity Ward

The Elephant in the Womb

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

Congratulations! When are you due?

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

Fertility Clinic

'Which one is yours?'

Maternity ward on the farm.

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

"You could say that. I had a D-section."

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"