Maternity Humorists Gifts

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

Maternity Ward

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

The Elephant in the Womb

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

Congratulations! When are you due?

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

'Which one is yours?'

Maternity ward on the farm.

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

The future Muhammad Ali about to be conceived.

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"