Maternity Humorists Gifts

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

Maternity Ward

The Elephant in the Womb

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

Maternity ward on the farm.

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"