Maternity Humourist Gifts

"I aim to launch these contractions in style."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

Maternity Ward

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

The Elephant in the Womb

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

Fertility Clinic

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

Maternity ward on the farm.

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"