Maternity Humor Gifts

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

Maternity ward on the farm.

"What else is there to do to pass the time of day in here??"

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

Maternity Ward

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

The Elephant in the Womb

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

Congratulations! When are you due?

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

'Which one is yours?'

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

The baby's really been moving round today.

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'