Maternity Humor Gifts

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

Maternity ward on the farm.

"What else is there to do to pass the time of day in here??"

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

Maternity Ward

The Elephant in the Womb

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

Please take a number...

Normal pregnancies, premature pregnancies, born again Christians.

'Does my bun look big in this?'

"If I'm not in the Hall of Fame by 41 I'm getting induced."