Expectant Mother Humor Gifts

THE REAL REASON WOMEN HAVE CAESARIANS

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

The Elephant in the Womb

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'It's one of life's little miracles!'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

Maternity ward on the farm.

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'Wait, breathe or don't breathe? Oh jeez, why did I have to sleep through Lamaze class?'

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

Some blind dates work out just fine.

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

'The ultrasound went well: Now, we just need to agree on 1263 baby names...'

Where Box Turtles Come From

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'

'Does my bun look big in this?'

Big book of daft names for kids.

"If I'm not in the Hall of Fame by 41 I'm getting induced."