Mom-to-be Humor Gifts

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

The Elephant in the Womb

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

Maternity ward on the farm.

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

'Would you like your ultrasound photos standard, high definition, 3-D, or 4K ultra HD?'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

Some blind dates work out just fine.

'The ultrasound went well: Now, we just need to agree on 1263 baby names...'

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'I sentence you to hard labor.'

The baby's really been moving round today.

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

"Coming down the runway, Rachel is wearing corn flakes, a nursing bra, and the same maternity leggings from yesterday."

Where Box Turtles Come From

Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Everything looks so good

Big book of daft names for kids.