Expecting Mom Humorist Gifts

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

Easy birth ATM

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

The Elephant in the Womb

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

The Mothership

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.