Expectant Parent Humorist Gifts

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

'Yes, it's great to be pregnant, but a 22-months pregnancy is too long: I want to see my baby!'

Sue, Ted, The Twins.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

The Elephant in the Womb

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

Baby reading 'To do list'.

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'It's one of life's little miracles!'

A (P)ram.

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

Baby Bat Mobile

'She'll open her eyes in a few days. I don't know about us.'

Baby Teething Problems.

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

Open other end

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."