Expectant Parent Humor Gifts

'I'm afraid your work insurance won't apply, Mrs. Ferguson -- you didn't have the baby during office hours.'

Where Box Turtles Come From

"Got a call from your husband, somethin' about someone's water breaking."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

The Elephant in the Womb

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'It's one of life's little miracles!'

Husband and Child in Pram

Beware of teething baby.

"Six down, three to go!!"

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

Twins

'I don't believe it - At school all my teachers said I was an underachiever!'

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

"When do I get my phone call"

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

Mobile Phone Mobile.

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

"Dress it up all you want – it's still and invasion of my privacy."

'Wait, breathe or don't breathe? Oh jeez, why did I have to sleep through Lamaze class?'