Expecting Parents Humor Gifts

Some blind dates work out just fine.

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

The Elephant in the Womb

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

'It's one of life's little miracles!'

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'Wait, breathe or don't breathe? Oh jeez, why did I have to sleep through Lamaze class?'

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

'The ultrasound went well: Now, we just need to agree on 1263 baby names...'

Where Box Turtles Come From

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'

Big book of daft names for kids.

"If I'm not in the Hall of Fame by 41 I'm getting induced."

'Does my bun look big in this?'

'I'm afraid your work insurance won't apply, Mrs. Ferguson -- you didn't have the baby during office hours.'

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

'Believe me honey - YOU don't need to do the pelvic floor!!'

"You're what?!"

"No it isn't great news- how would you like to be pregnant for seventeen years?"

Easy birth ATM