New Mom Humor Gifts

'This is a worry. No dipstick to measure how much milk is left.'

"Coming down the runway, Rachel is wearing corn flakes, a nursing bra, and the same maternity leggings from yesterday."

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

The Elephant in the Womb

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

The Mothership

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"It was a difficult delivery."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

Beware of teething baby.

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

They Removed my Brain.

A (P)ram.