New Baby Humor Gifts

Maternity Ward: No Children Allowed

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'Hurry up: We've sprung a leak!'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"It was a difficult delivery."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Baby reading 'To do list'.

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

Beware of teething baby.

A (P)ram.

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

Husband and Child in Pram

They Removed my Brain.

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

Waaahhh. Please, Milo. Stop crying. Look, Milo. I'm making a funny face. Waah. I'm waving my arms in the air! Waah. I'm pouring burning coffee on my head. Waaah. Waaaaaaaahhh. Look at this dog. Isn't it disgusting and hairy wairy? Humiliating on every level. Giggle.

Baby Bat Mobile

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"