Newborn Humorist Gifts

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"It's his emotional support animal."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

The Mothership

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

A (P)ram.

Newborn making the V-sign

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

'She'll open her eyes in a few days. I don't know about us.'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

Baby Teething Problems.

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'