Newborn Humorist Gifts

"Something is not right here!"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"It's his emotional support animal."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

The Mothership

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

A (P)ram.

Newborn making the V-sign

Dad waiting for baby to be born.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

Baby Teething Problems.

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

We had to use my wife's pouch as a diaper bag.

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."