New Parents Humorist Gifts

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Got a clever one here...'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

The Mothership

"It was a difficult delivery."

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

A (P)ram.

Husband and Child in Pram

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

Dad waiting for baby to be born.

Beware of teething baby.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

They Removed my Brain.