New Parent Humorist Gifts

'Congratulations It's a spork'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'It's a side gig.'

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

Maternity ward public opening.

'Inverted nipple? It's probably just incredibly shy.'

'Sign here.'

Mix up on the maternity ward.

'Business was slow: We had to diversify...'

"The job was no picnic. The nights were cold and the kid was restless. All I could do was dream that one day I'd spend my nights watching the waves in Cabo."

'A little help please.'

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

Baby in the Bath.

'A smoke detector?? Safety regulations are getting out of hand!'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Get out of me!'

Jim was always willing to help out with the baby wherever he could.

Baby Teething Problems.

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

Sofa Jumping TO Get Away From Baby.

'She'll open her eyes in a few days. I don't know about us.'

'Don't worry he doesn't want any. he's allergic to everything except straw stuffing.'

'Do you have any references?'

'My wife and I decided we didn't want children.'

"She has her father's eyes!"

"I've never been able to get the weight off since Fiona and I had our first baby."

"Honey, I'm home. Anything new?"

Drone Delivering A Baby In A Car Seat

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Stork

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"So! Who's the father?"

“Crying, miserable, colicky baby on board.”