New Parents Humorist Pillows

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Got a clever one here...'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

The Mothership

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

A (P)ram.

Beware of teething baby.

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

They Removed my Brain.

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

Husband and Child in Pram