New Parent Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'What are you in for?'

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

Husband and Child in Pram

Beware of teething baby.

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

They Removed my Brain.

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

A (P)ram.

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."