New Parent Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Which one is mine."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'What are you in for?'

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

Beware of teething baby.

A (P)ram.

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

Dad waiting for baby to be born.

Husband and Child in Pram

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."