New Dad Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'Don't worry chum,I'm only here for the milk bill!'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Cry babies.

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"It was a difficult delivery."

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

They Removed my Brain.

Husband and Child in Pram

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

Beware of teething baby.

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

A (P)ram.

Child on a schedule.

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"