New Dad Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'Don't worry chum,I'm only here for the milk bill!'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Cry babies.

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

Husband and Child in Pram

They Removed my Brain.

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

Beware of teething baby.

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

A (P)ram.

Dad waiting for baby to be born.

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

Child on a schedule.

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".