New Parent Comedy Fan Pillows

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"I need to know who started it."

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

Therapy for babies.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Chilly baby.

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

"It was a difficult delivery."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

Beware of teething baby.