New Parent Comedy Fan Pillows

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

The Poky Little Pupa.

"I need to know who started it."

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

Sperm Whale.

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Therapy for babies.

"It was a difficult delivery."

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

Dad waiting for baby to be born.