Dad Humor Aficionado Pillows

"There can be only one."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

Camel rider sees sign stating: The Next Mirage 16 miles.

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

Next to Nothing

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

Note Book

"We're going to pay for your obedience school but after that you're on your own."

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

Official Team Cap With Beard

"It's a dependent!"

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

"Have you seen my wife?"

Child on a schedule.

'In this rare photo of President Bush standing beside former President Clinton, one can't help but notice how the weight of office has grayed their hair.'

I arrived, I Ate, I Conquered (aka Pooped).

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

"Oh no, the lectern and microphone. I get the feeling I'm getting another one of your boring life lectures."

'He was a great player...he gained 'many cap's' for his Country !'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"