Dad Humor Appreciator Pillows

Official Team Cap With Beard

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

Camel rider sees sign stating: The Next Mirage 16 miles.

Next to Nothing

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

Note Book

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"It's a dependent!"

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

"Have you seen my wife?"

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

Child on a schedule.

'Dad, I need help with chemistry, what's the periodic table?'

"Oh no, the lectern and microphone. I get the feeling I'm getting another one of your boring life lectures."

'He was a great player...he gained 'many cap's' for his Country !'

'In this rare photo of President Bush standing beside former President Clinton, one can't help but notice how the weight of office has grayed their hair.'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

'What'd you make dad' - 'It's a snowman, with his ugly, ungrateful son,'

"Yo, Greg!" "Hey, Warren!"

'I can't talk now Kevin. I'm under house arrest.'

Vasectomy Clinic: Convert to Unleaded Here

"Someday you'll understand the ways of the world...with the exception of tax and health insurance forms."