Dad Joke Aficionado Pillows

"He's giggling to himself. Get ready for a dad joke."

"Yo, Greg!" "Hey, Warren!"

Zeus Lightning Bolts

'I liked it when you just read the stories, Dad, without the powerpoint presentation.'

Next to Nothing

"Someday, Son, this remote will be yours."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

For cryin' out loud, if you say "ain't it a hoot" one more time!

Vulgar-free Beaver

'Look kids, I'm levitating! Haha, just kidding.'

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

Note Book

"Go on, impress me." "I can talk to animals."

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"Do forgive me, I'm good with faces but I have a terrible memory for gnomes."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

Official Team Cap With Beard

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

"It's a dependent!"

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

"Congratulations! You've told the same joke one thousand times!"

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

"Have you seen my wife?"

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

"I don't ever want you taken away, son. Never get into subtraction."