Dad Joke Aficionados Pillows

"Ugh, stop it, Dad- everyone knows you're not making this happen!"

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

Next to Nothing

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

Note Book

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

Official Team Cap With Beard

"It's a dependent!"

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

"Congratulations! You've told the same joke one thousand times!"

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

"No sign of Simba?"

"I don't ever want you taken away, son. Never get into subtraction."

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

"Have you seen my wife?"

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

Child on a schedule.

D-Day (Dad Day)

'Dad, I need help with chemistry, what's the periodic table?'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

'In this rare photo of President Bush standing beside former President Clinton, one can't help but notice how the weight of office has grayed their hair.'

"Oh no, the lectern and microphone. I get the feeling I'm getting another one of your boring life lectures."