Dad Jokesters Pillows

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Raised by Dogs

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

Dad Trophies

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Next to Nothing

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

Note Book

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"It's a dependent!"

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

"Trust me, son, if there was a monster under your bed I would have claimed it as a dependent by now."

"Congratulations! You've told the same joke one thousand times!"

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

'Did you find any clothes?'

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

"No sign of Simba?"

"I don't ever want you taken away, son. Never get into subtraction."

Child on a schedule.

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'