Dad Jokesters Gifts

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Raised by Dogs

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

Dad Trophies

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

Next to Nothing

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

Note Book

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"It's a dependent!"

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

"Trust me, son, if there was a monster under your bed I would have claimed it as a dependent by now."

"Congratulations! You've told the same joke one thousand times!"

"I don't ever want you taken away, son. Never get into subtraction."

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

There's a toxic cloud moving in our direction! Hurry! Teddy's home from sports camp. Ha. Ha. Ha.

'Did you find any clothes?'

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

"No sign of Simba?"

Child on a schedule.