Dad Joke Enthusiast Gifts

"It's a dependent!"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

"They may be your grades, but they're the return on my investment."

"Sir, we Indians invented zero." "Well, thanks for nothing."

"Your father was only joking. The Tooth Fairy only takes teeth that have already fallen out."

Breasts for the men

"Oh no, the lectern and microphone. I get the feeling I'm getting another one of your boring life lectures."

"And then Winnie the Pooh decided that it was time to check Daddy's e-mail again."

"No. I can't tell if it's a...Mug or tie. Either way, happy Father's Day."

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"Sounds like the problem is in the fan belt."

"Hey, I like your new friend: He laughs at my dad-jokes..."

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

Fred's Tire and Brake Repair. 'I tire and I ache...and I don't see that well.'

'Gee, Dad, I didn't know you knew how to cook!'

Play Dead

"I'm told the competition was pretty fierce this year."

Dad doesn't initiate much legislation, but he uses his veto power a lot.

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

"When the battery run down you get out and pet it."

The Christmas Cleanup

"His drink, the nut bowl and his bank account are all empty."

World's greatest dad. Worlds greatest sterile guy.

"Morton's on the cutting edge of pooped."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

Next to Nothing

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

Note Book