New Dad Humor Pillows

'Look, I think she recognised you!'

"... me being in the the plumbing trade, I sorted something out."

Gas Mask.

"It was a difficult delivery."

"From now on, just pillage."

Baby Teething.

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.

"It's a Buoy!"

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Doughboy Dad

"That's mine!"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

"Which one's yours?"

"Which one's mine?"

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'