Humorous New Dad Tales Pillows

They Removed my Brain.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

Husband and Child in Pram

Beware of teething baby.

Dad waiting for baby to be born.

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

I'm not saying she's a gifted child, but she did write her own birth announcement.

'I don't believe it - At school all my teachers said I was an underachiever!'

Twins

Add your kids' ages together...

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

"When do I get my phone call"

Gas Mask.

"You went here instead of the maternity ward. Fortunately, we experts in delivery too!"

"Did he sleep through the night again?"