Humorous New Dad Tales Pillows

They Removed my Brain.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

Beware of teething baby.

Husband and Child in Pram

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

Twins

'I don't believe it - At school all my teachers said I was an underachiever!'

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

Add your kids' ages together...

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

"When do I get my phone call"

"You went here instead of the maternity ward. Fortunately, we experts in delivery too!"

Gas Mask.

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.